Stuck, Unstuck

Ingrid Michaelson played on Wednesday night at Lupo's. I dragged my feet about going, of course. A school night, too tired, crazy St Patrick's Day crowds, possible cover fees at any bar we went to, smaller bank account balance than I like. One of my strengths is finding reasons not to do things. Except it's not a strength.

As I listened to Ingrid's ethereal voice, I thought about how the evening rolled out. I ran through all the things that had happened to go RIGHT, and all in a row, no less. I found a parking spot, there was no cover, the guinness was cold and delicious, I had some moments to people watch by myself while Emily and Becky arrived. When Becky came, she came bearing gifts, a shamrock bracelet. We had some beers, some laughs, ran into an old aquaintance from BofA, and then met the weatherman, R.J. Heim. At first, we simply asked to take a picture with him. What then unfolded was a running joke about setting Becky up and the guys escorting us to Lupo's at the pace of a gazelle chasing its dinner.

We arrived just on time, walked right in, no trouble with the tickets at Will Call. Got some cheap beers, listened to Angel something. She didn't suck. She actually was reminiscent of Jewel's early years, and we all know how I love Jewel.

Now that you've gotten a look at the longest consecutive string of events that went right for me since my wedding day, you can see that my luck, of late, has not been great. My previous entries are somewhat evident of this. So I'm listening to how beautiful her voice is. I'm watching her dance so comfortably on stage. I'm standing 15 feet from the stage so the music is overwhelming my eardrums. And I felt happy. Free. Like I was no longer stuck. The flash.

I set up this regimented schedule for myself. Wake up at 5:45, get ready (the routine is timed to the minute). Go to school (another timed to the minute part of my day that rarely allows for any "downtime), come home, have a snack, clean up or pay bills or run errands or watch a bit of tv, make dinner, make lunch, make coffee, iron or wash clothes or search for discounts or shop for whomever's birthday or revise the budget or...or...or... Shocking revelation for this evening's post?

I don't have to do any of that shit. I can drink on a school night and spend $30 on a concert ticket. I can go to school and call it in, if I need to. I don't have to work at this crumbling school for the rest of my life. I can switch schools if I want to. I don't need to weigh so much. I don't need to feel guilty about my family's problems. I also don't have to solve them all. I don't have to concede what I really want and base my own needs on other's expectations of what I need or on what someone else wants. I can enjoy the sun and the rain, or not. I can rant about life not being fair and then, then I can let. it. go.

People always say to change what you don't like about your life. Most of the time, it's something that can't be changed by one person with one decision. I got so bogged down by all the things I could do nothing about. All the injustices and the crappy luck that makes life barely bearable. But there ARE things you can change, even if it's as small as sleeping 5 minutes later or singing off key at a concert and pretending to dance like Jermaine.